Bullying in Schools: The Cause and The Cure
Bullying in Schools: The Cause and The Cure. What every parent and educator needs to know about this epidemic today.
Almost everyday when you turn on the news, read a newspaper, or surf the internet you hear about another incident of bullying or cyber-bullying in schools. It is happening at every grade level and is having an impact not only on the person being bullied, but on families and entire communities. The severity and speed of this epidemic has new weapons with the misuse of popular social media sites such as myspace and Facebook. Texting among teenagers is rampant and can include gossip, lies, and hurtful rumors. Some students are now being charged with crimes because of sexting from sending sexually explicit photos and messages in the form of text messages.
Headlines include:
- 9 charged with bullying Mass. teen who killed self - Associated Press
- Bullying rampant in U.S. middle schools - CNN
- School Bullying Affects Majority Of Elementary Students- U.S News & World Report
- Bullying in Schools: Pervasive, Disruptive, and Serious, UCLA Study Finds
- A 13 year old boy from Virginia committed suicide stemming from harassment from several girls…mostly harassment sent via instant message -People Magazine
- Cyber-bullying on the rise- The Reno Gazette
There is more that parents, educators, and communities need to know and do to stop this epidemic.
While everybody else is focused on the problem and addressing the symptoms of bullying in schools what we really need to be focusing on is the cause and put programs into place to prevent and stop bullying. It’s like the analogy of moping water up off the floor as addressing the symptoms, I’m talking about fixing the leaking hole in the wall and addressing the cause.
In this interview I share what I believe is the missing link in stopping and preventing bullying in schools. There is a three step process and for the most part many schools are succeeding in the first two steps. However, many are missing the third and most important step for long term success.
For over 18 years I have traveled all over the country speaking at hundreds of middle schools and high schools presenting school-wide assemblies and leadership trainings on respect, responsibility and accountability. Over one million students, parents, and educators have heard my message as it relates to teasing and bullying.
At every school that I visit, bullying is always reported as one of the top concerns from teachers, administrators and students. Schools bring me in to talk with their students because I am an expert in addressing these issues and and helping them improve school climate. I have heard the stories from teenagers who feel all alone and are tired of being picked on. Parents share with me that their number one priority is for their child to feel safe when they go to school and not be bullied. The effects of bullying impact academic performance, school pride and the ability to create a strong community.
The Three Steps
1. Awareness
Creating awareness around this issue is only the first part in stopping and preventing bullying in schools. There are some people that think that bullying is just a part of life and that all kids do it. The truth is that not all kids do it and that it can be stopped and prevented. Creating awareness around this issue is essential. In the schools where bullying is prevalent there is a lack of support around reporting, speaking up, and making everyone aware of the issue.
2. Education
Once students are aware that bullying is not okay and that it will not be tolerated the next step is in educating students and parents on how to speak up if they are being bullied or if their child is being threatened. By teaching conflict resolution skills and creating systems and structures within schools incidents of bullying can be reported and addressed immediately.
3. Developing Leaders: The Missing Link
The first two steps are effective in stopping bullying but the third step is the key to preventing bullying and creating a positive school climate.
The missing link is teaching students the principles and skills that are essential to them developing as leaders. It is my belief that every student has the capacity to be a leader in certain areas of their life. It could be in their home, in their peer group, on their team or organization.
Students need to be taught that respect, responsibility, and accountability goes way beyond the classroom and is a key to reaching their full potential. Students must learn the skills to setting and achieving their goals. Many teenagers today lack direction and motivation causing them to often times take their frustration and anger out on others. Show me a student who’s clear and specific on their goals and dreams and I will show you someone who will make positive healthy choices including treating others with respect. When you teach students about the power of kindness and being grateful you will see attitudes change to the positive.
Many of the middle and high schools that I have the privilege to work with are adding the missing link into their bullying prevention programs. They are setting aside time during the school day to focus on leadership development. Some schools even block off an entire day to bring students and parents together to provide awareness, education, and leadership training to face the issues teens encounter today.
Teachers and administrators are under so much pressure over test scores and academic performance that many think teaching leadership is a “nice to have.” The truth is it’s a must! because if students do not feel safe and confident about who they are and believe that they belong then academic performance will be negatively affected and this epidemic will continue.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Martial Arts training makes kids bully proof. Most bullies are cowards and when potential victims are trained the bullies will run.
Some may say this is a neanderthal way of dealing with the problem. But self defense is becoming more and more important in our world, especially for educated americans.
Great point Dan! There is no question that at the foundation of Martial Arts are the principles and skills that are essential to developing as a leader. It goes way beyond just self-defense. Keep making a difference.
Ed- Fantastic message!
I am with you brother… I know bullying comes from what we learn from home. We either are bullied, or are taught we aren’t good enough, so that anger and pain goes out towards other people in the form of bullying.
I love that you are empowering kids. I am working on sharing these same Empowerment Skills with adult women. maybe I can incorporate your program and reach out to my local schools.
Keep on keepin’ on and thanks for reaching out to those kids to make a difference!
Dianne Sikel
CanWeGetAlong.com
Thanks Dianne- Wishing you continued success as well.
My dear Ed,
What you are describing is teaching children their value instead of theories about their lack of it. Thank you for doing this! Understand that I am standing with you, and not just in good thoughts. I’ve created successful alliances for over 12 years for parents with “so-called” special needs children. Like Einstein these are the ones who will become our next generation of thought leaders. But until we stop medicating away their passion and teach our schools how to draw out their purpose we’ll continue to loose innovation to other nations one pill at a time. Imagine standing at the nurse’s office during recess while everyone watches the “manner med” freak show! Keep this going and so will I. Its about time!
Believe well!
Adelaide Zindler
http://www.HomeOfficeMommy.com
Coming soon!
Thanks Adelaide-
Keep on keeping on! and keep making a difference.
As a therapist who has been involved with schools and children for years I applaud your efforts, but you need to go deeper. The cause underneath the causes you have outlined are child abuse: emotional, physical and/or sexual. The increase in bullying has been proportional to the increase in child abuse in our society. That is what people really don’t want to talk about! You will never eliminate bullying until you eliminate physical, emotional and sexual violence in the home. Schools too often turn a blind eye to obvious abuse cases. What are you going to do about that?
Hi Susan- That is an excellent point. There are so many teens that I talk with at schools who are hurting because of what is going on in their home life.
It puts a tremendous amount of pressure on schools because often they are expected to be the parent and the educator. Also, what they try to undo at school gets set back once the student goes back to their destructive home. As loud as the drum has been banged about stopping bullying it should be banged just as loudly
about stopping physical,emotional, and sexual violence at home. I don’t so much think that schools turn a “blind eye” as that they are often times lacking in training, lacking in resources, Lacking in funding, and lacking in community support. If I had it my way there would be a therapist in every school at every grade level.
I experienced bullying when it did not have a name, 30 years ago. I did not like it, I did not tell anybody.
Twenty years later, my daughter was bullied by a boy at school. The first chance I got, I told her teacher. Since it was in a particular classroom, the teacher promised me she would change the seating arrangement. Luckily, she did. And even more lucky, in time, the boy stopped and started being a great guy again.
On a second incident, a boy that used to be her friend started spreading rumors about my daughter and her best friend. When we ran into him, I asked him, in front of many people, if he had ever said anything about my daughter and her friend. He denied it. Then I said that if I ever found out that he said anything else, I would personally go to his house and speak to both his parents. He never did it again.
I feel sadness for the parents that think that their kids have to learn to deal with these particular situations. Unless we all get involved, this will only get worse. Now with the internet, it is happening everywhere and I have always believe if you deal with the problem from the start, the next generation will benefit. Keep up the good work.
Thanks Roxana for sharing your thoughts. Parents absolutely play a key role in preventing and stopping bullying. They have a responsibility to be aware of what is going on in their child’s life. Knowing who their friends are, who they are texting, and what music and movies they are watching. Parents have to lead by example and teach their kids about respecting themselves and others. Kudos to you for stepping up. Wishing you and your family the very best. Be sure to do the Dreamboard with your daughter- I think you will both enjoy it.
hi i believe your missing link it very true, but it is also about self awareness + self understanding = self empowerment to help them build these goals. The key is that each person’s journey is unique and you cannot compare to the friend next door, this is mind set shift we also need to bring awareness to the kids. Another interesting fact is flipping the info on the bully ……if one is inflicting pain on another it is only b’cos that individual that is bullying is carrying the pain inside. The more we bring awareness to this, the more the stigma will be on bully and not on the victim…
Great point Michelle. It’s definitely about doing the work from the inside out first or what is commonly termed private victory before public victory.
Before
I am excited to learn about your program. I totally agree with the severity of the issue for young people…really should begin teaching about being the best you can be even earlier. First time I remember being bullied in school was when I was in 6th grade. I think leadership skills are wonderful…respect, responsibility, accountability…yes, yes, yes…but I think that these issues need to be addressed in an inspirational way that engages teens right where they are so that they have a chance to come to the conclusions and embrace the tools or methods that work for them in terms of living their dreams. What are the challenges and choices one makes in walking their own path…what are the rewards? I mean today one of the most important skills is being able to work well with teams valuing each person’s contribution and working towards consensus…in my mind that is real leadership….Anyway, looking forward to getting the details on your 4 week coaching program.
Thanks Karen for your insights and enthusiastic response. You make a great point about engaging teens in a way that they can come to the conclusion themselves and embrace the tools to live their dreams. Information about my coaching program can be found right here on my blog.
You are dead-on right, Ed. Bullying has been around forever, but that does not mean it must continue to go on. It can be stopped, but only through aggressively apply the 3 steps you outline in your missing link formula.
Count me as a strong supporter and advocate of your coaching program. It’s one program I will enthusiastically endorse and share with my clients, followers, associates, and friends.
Keep doing great things, Ed!
Another big problem is the bully with friends. Why do these kids put up with the bully? Why does the bully have status? It almost always seems as if a group rallies behind the bully. This makes it so much harder for the victim…how do you break up a bully group?
How do we get the bully to try your program?
Hi Ed,
Thanks, as always, for your expertise and clear comments about a growing problem in our schools and society. I really enjoyed your video clip, too. Of course, I will always second the notion that until children as well as adults learn the “soft skills,” we will never be able to move beyond technique. The way we relate to each other through our words and actions is how we create meaning – in our schools, workplaces, and lives. I love the way you talk about leadership as the missing link. In the language of Aikido, the martial art I practice, you are taking the “bully” energy and transforming it. In many ways, bullies are leaders. But that leader energy has been mis-directed. Teaching the bully how to be responsible and accountable for his valuable “ki” energy gives an alternative to hurting others while maintaining a leadership role. What do you think? Thanks again!
I loved your video, Mr. Gerety. I am a BJJ practitioner and own a fight gear company that was created to help put a stop to bullying. Our mission is to gain credibility by sponsoring fighters (and using them as spokespeople) and gaining a solid market share with our products. Once we have street cred with the kids, we are launching Fight Team 7–which will be our vehicle into the nations public schools. I am thrilled to see others concerned about this epidemic and I hope to meet you some day.
Rocky Haire, Dallas, Texas
I am excited to learn about your program. I totally agree with the severity of the issue for young people really should begin teaching about being the best you can be even earlier. First time I remember being bullied in school was when I was in 6th grade. I think leadership skills are wonderful: respect, responsibility, accountability yes, yes, yes but I think that these issues need to be addressed in an inspirational way that engages teens right where they are so that they have a chance to come to the conclusions and embrace the tools or methods that work for them in terms of living their dreams. What are the challenges and choices one makes in walking their own path what are the rewards? I mean today one of the most important skills is being able to work well with teams valuing each person contribution and working towards consensus in my mind that is real leadership .Anyway, looking forward to getting the details on your 4 week coaching program.
Ed, This is a great post, and I thank you for it. There’s actually something else missing, although you allude to it in Step 3: the building of pro-social skills (as you list respect, responsibility, accountability) MUST become the intrinsic fabric of the school. You can’t teach ‘anti-bullying’ — ALL students already know bullying is bad. But what they are lacking are the social skills abilities as well as the character development that builds in them the understanding of WHY we don’t treat others this way. And, it has to be taught in the classroom, side-by-side with everything else. That’s when it works — when the kids don’t tolerate this kind of behavior among themselves.
If you’re interested in more of this discussion, feel free to visit http://socialsmarts.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/ending-bullying-the-problem-is/. I’m going to mention your post on our FB page which is at http://www.facebook.com/socialsmarts if you or your readers are interested.
BeforeI am excited to learn about your program. I totally agree with the severity of the issue for young people…really should begin teaching about being the best you can be even earlier. First time I remember being bullied in school was when I was in 6th grade. I think leadership skills are wonderful…respect, responsibility, accountability…yes, yes, yes…but I think that these issues need to be addressed in an inspirational way that engages teens right where they are so that they have a chance to come to the conclusions and embrace the tools or methods that work for them in terms of living their dreams. What are the challenges and choices one makes in walking their own path…what are the rewards? I mean today one of the most important skills is being able to work well with teams valuing each person’s contribution and working towards consensus…in my mind that is real leadership….Anyway, looking forward to getting the details on your 4 week coaching program.
+1
I just wanted to thank you soo much for your presentation at my school today. It really opened up my eyes and truly inspired me. To bad you didn’t start in like middle school lol. Not only did you inspire me but I can speak for my friends as well since the whole rest of the day we talked about your presentation. And almost every single one of us can relate something to your comments. What I really like was that most speaker lecture us which makes everything boring and I believe that is why the message never gets acrossed. But whereas you make it fun, but you still make it serious at the same time and that is really gets you noticed. You are an amazing person and have touched so many people’s lives today. At least mine you did. And just by that presentation alone today you have already changed mine and so many others lives. And I like that about you, you are not someone who runs off stage after the presentation you actually interacted with us as well and I really liked that as well. I would love to come and see another presentation and hope that you come back next year because I really enjoyed you and would pay to see your presentation again lol. Thank You again!!!
(Sophomore at Pinkerton Academy High School in Derry, N.H)
With all due respect I disagree with your views. Bullying will only be stopped when the bully is ‘cured’. The bully can only be ‘cured’ when his most fundamental anti-social motivation is identified and replaced with an equally satisfying motivation that is socially approved.
Moreover it has yet to be recognized that the bully is in large part not in control of his bullhying behavior, and therefore would have a very difficult time changing it, even if he wanted to.
The solution is the following:
1. Recognition that the bully bullies to feel good because he doesn’t feel good about himself.
2. Understanding that one can ‘feel good’ by committing any one of the 7 cardinal sins, one of which is the exercise of anger which translates into bullying.
3. Understanding that one can only ‘feel good about oneself ‘ by practicing one or more of the so-called seven heavenly virtues.
4. Learning the way to make the bully understand the difference, make him feel good about himself and thus turn him from bullying to protecting victims.
It’s not that complicated and it’s all in an eBook I just wrote called Bullying Cure available at bullyingcure.com
In fact all other alleged ‘cures’ do no more than attempt to control the overt observable behavior of the bully. That does no more than scotch the bullying snake. I aspire to cure the bully and make nhim a happier well adjusted contributing member of society, adn in passing make sure he doesn’t wind up in jail
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